Monday, 4 February 2013

How To Write About India

       When writing about India, always use the word ‘India’ or ‘Desi’ in your title. This will tell the reader what you’re writing about. Never have a picture of a sophisticated lifestyle on the cover. Always make sure the picture is either of the Taj Mahal, or the homeless children living in the slums. If you want to give the reader a real taste of the Indian culture, make sure you include the following points in your writing. 
       India is a land of the snake charmers. The roads are populated with cows and dogs, don’t even bother trying to get anywhere in 5 minutes. It will take you at least half an hour with all the traffic and chaos. Warn them, don’t be surprised if they see monkeys and elephants everywhere you go. India is full of insects. Mosquitoes, rates, cockroaches and lizards. Everywhere you look, there will definitely be some in your sight. Describe how everyone either lives on the road, or in the slums. There are no modern apartments or houses, just slums if any. 
       All your characters should worship Bollywood. They should burst into song and dance at the weirdest times, with backup dancers randomly appearing behind them, and color everywhere. All the guys should live cricket. Talk cricket, play cricket. They won’t be able to go a second without cricket. Cricketers are worshiped like gods. You can’t go 10 meters without seeing an advertisement with a cricket or Bollywood star on it. What about the Indian music? Contain the characters hearing the tablas and sitars playing. 
       If writing a love story, make sure the main character is named Raj, or Ram. He should be dark skinned with jet black hair and when speaking, has a thick Indian accent with a narrow vocabulary of English words. This Raj or Ram’s love interest should come from a very conservative family who do not approve of their relationship, especially the father. Do not forget to mention how the two families have a dark history between them. 
     Include how religious these families are. Every morning, the female should get up and go to a temple within her home, and pray to Hinduism’s many gods. Every year, the woman should make a big deal about fasting for her husband/the man she loves. This should result in a big melodramatic conflict which is usually solved when the main character goes all heroic on you. Make sure that festival takes place during the time span of your story, it adds a lot of drama. 
      One thing you should never forget to include, is Indian food. Incorporate the detail: the appearance, the smell and the taste in the variety of the country’s food. The naan, butter chicken, chicken tikka, dals and so on. 
      Lastly, talk about how all parents want their child to be an engineer or a doctor. Indians are known as the smart ones. Supposedly excellent at math. So why not include that in your story? End with a saying by a man very important to India, Mahatma Gandhi. Congratulations, you now know how to write about India! 

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